Why Fish Don’t Exist: A story of loss, love, and the hidden order of life. By Lulu Miller

MILLER, L. U. L. U. (2021). Why Fish Don’T Exist: a story of loss, love, and the hidden order of life. SIMON & SCHUSTER.


68. When people have this feeling of personal inefficiency,, complusive colelcting helps them in feeling better.

103. [In a study of sometimes overly-confident, overly-optimistic people] Delroy Paulhus foudn that while [study participants] are initially drawn to [those] with inflated self-esteem, over time the group grows weary of them, rating them more negatively. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic found that overconfidence has serious costs in the workplace. … Michael Dufner…found that over time, an overconfident person’s boasting can end up alienating others; while the overconfident person might not ever realize it, they may be losing out on benefits that come from …. community.

Rather like Brene Brown’s discussion of 8s: people like to follow as 8s champion the new, third-way – but 8s are fatiguing in that they never stop and BE with people where people are – this IS fatiguing to each of us as individuals.

144. …positive illusions can ferment into a vicious thing if left unchecked, capable of striking out against anything that stands in our way.

160. [About two friends (nearly sisters) with significant unique traits as a result of deeply-scarring abuse early on]….She does not judge her friend for loving a doll. Instead, she bolsters that love. Mary pointeed to a colorful, beadded necklace handing around the doll’s neck. “I made that!” she said. I pictured Mary, alone in her room, quietly stringing bead after bead up a nylon cord, carefully preparing this surprie for her frend. You get that she is [gratefully] forever repaying the debt of Anna’s protection at the Colony. That she finds real meaning in paying it back.

162. …what Darwin was trying so hard to get his readers to see: that there is never just one way of ranking nature’s organisms. To get stuck on a single hierarching is to miss the bigger picture, the messy truth of nature, the “whole machinery of life.”

162. The work of good science is to try to peer beyond the “convenient” lines we draw over nature. To peer beyond intuition, where something wilder lives. To know that in every organism at which you gaze, there is complexity you will never comprehend.

280-1. Trenton Merricks, University of Virginia – Philosophy …says…This is exactly what he’s trying to get his students to understand. That we barely know the world around us, even the simplist things under our feet. That we have been wrong before and we will be wrong again. That the true path to progress is paved not with certainty but doubt, with being “open to revision.”

182. Growing up is learning to stop believing people’s words about you.

194. That it is out life’s work to mistrust our measures….To remember that behind every ruler there is a Ruler.